


i get a little grey hair for every scare you share

by tetsaturn



Series: oh klahoma [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Relationship Study, Sharing a Bed, also kuroo cries in this one, im sorry, theyre sad but they love each other very much, this is part 2 of me being a depressed lil bitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:22:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26879653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tetsaturn/pseuds/tetsaturn
Summary: Kuroo never lets Kenma see how much Kenma's bad thoughts really affect him - until he does.or: some self-indulgent drabble about Kuroken sharing a bed and sorting feelings out.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Series: oh klahoma [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1961098
Comments: 8
Kudos: 122





	i get a little grey hair for every scare you share

**Author's Note:**

> i decided to make this a series but every fic can be read on its own !! im a whore for some good hurt/comfort so there you go

It's not easy. Kenma wonders who ever said teen years were easy, because he wants to punch them in the face (or just stare at them with a very disappointed glare).

Because it's currently past midnight of a very shitty day and he's feeling very, very miserable.

Maybe youth is just not suited for him. Maybe he should just sleep through the next five years, because it's obvious whatever he's doing right now is not working. Maybe _life_ isn't suited for him. (Him, way too shy, way too quiet; him who fidgets over his lap and stumbles over his words and can't make eye contact at all; him who feels exhausted after just five minutes of conversation; him, way too silent, way too much of a weirdo).

And- and he should be pretty happy despite all, because he's got an amazing team and an amazing boyfriend and health to help him through everything, but. Sometimes, he can't help but feel like this. Miserable, lonely, stuck at a dead end, sinking further down to the bottom.

(Maybe life isn't suited for him).

It's hot under the covers, but Kenma doesn't move. He's laying on his side, head on the pillow, and his eyes stare, unblinking and unfocused, at a dark spot across his room.

And because his chest is getting tighter and tighter - making it harder to breathe -, he does the thing he promised to do every time something like this happens: he calls Kuroo.

The phone rings. Four, five times. Kenma worries Kuroo won't pick up, will just ignore his call because Kenma's annoying, a burden, will just stare at his phone and wait for it to stop ringing and-

"Kenma?"

"Kuro," he whispers in relief. His voice sounds weak and pathetic. Kenma hates it.

"Is everything okay?"

"Not... Not really."

A pause. Blankets shifting, mattress squeaking. 

"Do you need me to come over?"

"You don't have to." Kenma croaks out. Oh God, he feels terrible. He probably woke him up and Kenma _knows_ Kuroo's the one that said to call him whenever Kenma's feeling like- like _this_ , but he's probably so tired and oh God-

"Kenma," Kuroo's voice sounds soothing, comforting, "tell me what you need."

Kenma bites his lip and thinks about it. Kuroo waits patiently for him to answer, lets him take his time - he always does.

At last, Kenma says: "I... I need to see you."

"Okay. Then I'll come over."

That, he does.

Five minutes later - spent in that same exact position, still staring at that same dark spot across his room - Kenma is joined in his bed by Kuroo. The latter just let himself in with the spare key Kenma gave to him a while ago ("You're always here anyway, so I might as well give you one"), opened the door to his room and laid with him in the small single bed. Kenma can feel the warmth of his boyfriend's chest on his back and hot little puffs of air on his neck.

Some minutes pass in silence - just enough for the both of them to bathe in each other's warmth. Then, Kenma finally turns around. When he does, Kuroo's already looking at him, and his eyes look like a mix of concern and understanding and affection all at once. Kenma's heart skips a beat.

"Hey," Kenma says.

"Hi there."

"Thank you. For coming over."

"I was the one that told you to call me anytime you were feeling down, stupid."

"Still. Thank you."

Kuroo's lips stretch in a tiny smile. He looks tired, Kenma can't help but notice. He looks tired, but he still came over when Kenma called him. 

"Are you feeling any better?" Kuroo asks, and when Kenma opens his mouth to reply, Kuroo says, "Be honest."

So, Kenma takes his time with his response.

He says: "I feel miserable."

"Why?"

Kenma breaks eye contact and stares down at Kuroo's chest instead, because he feels like he needs to concentrate on his words. He wants to be honest with Kuroo.

"Because... I feel out of place all the time. When I look at people, all I do is ask myself _Why can't I be more like them? And less like... this?_ Like- inadequate, and- and weird, and quiet, and like I'll never find a place in this world while everybody seems to have found theirs." He pauses, licks his lips. "Sometimes... I can't help but think life isn't suited for me. Can't help but ask myself _What if I didn't exist at all?_ I don't want to- to _die_ , because that sounds painful and I'm already in pain as it is, I just want to... stop existing. Sometimes."

That's a lot of words, Kenma thinks. A whole lot of sentences and words, and they just came out of his mouth. That's okay. He wants to be honest with Kuroo.

What Kenma didn't expect is this: when he feels like what he said is enough and he doesn't need to add more, he shifts his eyes up to look at Kuroo and gauge his reaction, and Kuroo's- Kuroo's _crying_. 

His mouth is pressed in a thin line, his cheeks are damp with tears, and his eyes look devastated, puffy and red and wet and _devastated_.

Kenma's eyes widen in panic as he reaches his hands forward by instinct, touching Kuroo's damp cheeks with shaking fingers, drying the tears with his thumb, moving his hair out of his forehead. That's not what was supposed to happen, that's not-

"Kuro. What-"

Kuroo blinks two, three times, and his right arm goes up to cover Kenma's hand on his cheek with his own. He stifles out a nervous, wet laugh.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cry, I just- the things you said," he breathes out a shaky breath, "they made me very sad."

Kenma realizes a lot of things at once.

Kuroo. Kind, energetic, funny, hardworking Kuroo. Kuroo, who would give his everything to his friends and more; Kuroo, who tries his best to make everyone around him feel comfortable and safe and empowered; Kuroo, who has always been there for his team and his family and for Kenma, his boyfriend, his best friend, his person; Kuroo, who always gives Kenma his all and asks for nothing in return; Kuroo, who told him - demanded, really - to call him whenever Kenma was feeling bad, even at the crack of dawn, because he'd hate himself if he wasn't there for Kenma when Kenma needed him the most; Kuroo, who's obviously exhausted but came over anyway; Kuroo, who takes punch after punch in the gut but never lets it show.

Kuroo, who's crying in Kenma's bed right now because Kenma's words were obviously too much for him, because he hates the thought that Kenma thinks so badly of himself; because he reached his limit and he's finally showing how much Kenma's sadness really affects him.

And the only thing Kenma can ask himself is: _How did I never notice?_

"Kuro. I'm so sorry, I should've noticed, I-"

"It's okay, you can't help but feel those things-"

"Yeah, but-"

"I'll just calm myself down-"

_For fuck's sake-_ "Kuro," Kenma says, and his voice is harder, louder. "Shut the fuck up for a moment."

Kuroo instantly shuts his mouth. His tears are not stopping, and he looks like he's trying hard not to sob. Kenma leans in closer.

"It's true, I can't help but feel like this. And I want to be honest with you, Kuro, always. But _please_ ," he leans in even closer, so that their foreheads are touching. Kuroo's warm breath makes his nose tingle. Kenma closes his eyes. "Please, you have to tell me when it's too much for you. Please."

There's a pause. Kuroo sniffles. His hand squeezes Kenma's once, twice. "Okay," he says.

"Okay," Kenma replies.

They stay like that for a while more. Breaths interlocking, mixing, matching; soaking in each other's warmth.

Then, Kuroo says: "Please don't ever stop existing."

It's okay. They're okay.

"I won't."

(Sometimes they're not.

But that's okay too.)

**Author's Note:**

> im so sorry
> 
> protect kuroo at all costs


End file.
